When I was a child I always dreamed of having a belly dance outfit to go to the carnival matinee parties. Every year I tried very hard to convince my mother to buy me one. When I turned 13 I concluded that that was the last year I would be going to a carnival matinee so I tried even harder. There were about 3 days left to the end of the carnival season when I finally managed to convince her. I was so happy. But when we arrived at the department store, there were no more belly dance outfits left.
I grew up in Sao Paulo city, Brazil. I’m from a humble family so life was very difficult. My father died when I was 16. My older brother was a victim of the violence of the capital. I always had to struggle to achieve anything, so since an early age I worked full-time and studied during the evenings. Sometimes I walked long distances to get to work, sometimes I didn’t have what to eat. Studies were always sacred to me so I always managed to get in the best schools and colleges which were funded by the government.
At 25 I got married and moved to the UK. I was very excited about the future, and was working hard to improve my English so I could get back to my maths degree I left unfinished in Brazil, when I started having family problems. I was lonely and felt isolated. Friendships I held dear became sour and my family didn’t seem to miss or care about me anymore.
I became depressed. All my will power and eagerness to learn died away. I was in my second year at university in London when I started counselling. At that moment I was feeling very low and trying hard to figure out what went wrong. I was scared. Going through many self-help books I realised that I had to rebuild my self-belief and self-esteem. In order to achieve that, I started to re-define my values: I needed to find out what was important to me and how I could achieve happiness; I needed to find myself.
During this search I realised that I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that whatever I decided to do, it must be something I loved: something that could bring me the same passion, eagerness and sparkle in the eye a 3 year old child has when she is opening a Christmas present. I knew that I would never achieve success unless I loved what I did. Since I also was looking forward to get back to a more active social life, I decided to find a hobby.
I was looking for something that could put me back in control and in touch with my body, soul and mind. I always loved dancing and physical activities but I was searching for an activity that could awake my feminine side in a delicate and vivid way. Something I always wanted but never had the opportunity to do.
It was then that my childhood belly dance outfit episode came back to my mind. And that made me remember that many years later I bought a professional belly dance costume in Sao Paulo to go to a fancy dress party. I brought it to the UK and had it in my wardrobe.
I started taking belly dance classes in London when I was 30 years old. I absolutely fell in love with it. There were women of all shapes and ages who performed which I found very encouraging as many of ballet dancers are considered too old to perform after their mid-twenties. I practiced a lot at home and started creating my own choreographies.
After 2 years I decided I wanted to take it seriously. I wanted (and still want) belly dance to be treated and respected like other types of dance such as ballet and flamenco, as an art form not only for fitness purposes but as a hobby. I noticed that belly dance nowadays is more focused in the costumes and the beauty of the dancer than the dance itself. I wanted something that could aggregate my values. I wanted to pass the power of belly dance to other women who were going through difficult times, the same way as I did.
So I decided to create Hayaam, the belly dance school. I chose the name Hayaam, which means deliriously in love, because I wanted to be deliriously in love for everything in my life and wanted to pass this message across to all my students: to have a positive attitude and frame of mind not only in class but with any aspects of life, always.
Students from different ages, shapes and backgrounds have been to my classes. It is both challenging and rewarding. The most rewarding part is to see my students’ confidence growing day by day and their progress in the school. The most challenging thing is to prove to people that my school is about dance as an art form. It is amazing to watch my students dancing so beautifully. I have big plans for the future and I’m looking forward to sharing them with my students.
From all my difficulties, pain and sometimes despair, I learned that no one will believe you unless you believe in yourself. If you believe in yourself others will start believing in you too. And then you can make your dreams come true:
“Our beliefs become our thoughts.
Our thoughts become our words.
Our words become our actions.
Our actions become our habits.
Our habits become our values.
Our values become our destiny.” – Gandhi
